bullying and my experiences

This is a very touchy subject for me to talk about by so many this happens to so many people so thought I would write a post about what happened to me..

Being bullied is a horrible feeling, you feel like you are in the wrong and that you are weak for letting them walk all over you.

I was very sensitive growing up and that wasn't very good when I went up to secondary school because I got picked on.  It was probably because I looked like a bit of a geek with my glasses and I sucked my thumb and how I looked, and that didn't help matters. The bullying gradually got worse each year, and I was a happy child before I started secondary school. Each day I used to dread going into class because I knew someone was going to say something.

They just all ways found something to tease me about. I did have friends, I had a couple of close friends but although think they knew I was getting bullied I was kept it to myself how much it was getting to me, By year 11 I was just almost a recluse I just literally went to school and it took a lot to get me there my mum had to force me to go and I was always crying in lesson. Also that year most people ignored, probably didn't know how to talk to me because I looked so miserable all of the time at school.

My relationship with my mum was non-existent because I was so depressed and the doctors didn't help either I thought I was alone and that was the time I did think about committing suicide, and did self harm a couple of times as well, but no I carried on and could not wait till I finished school and although I did not get the grades I wanted at all I was so proud of my self when I went to my prom because there was a lot of people there and the thought made me feel sick but I was OK and really enjoyed my self. For the first time people were looking at me and not making fun.

It was all good for the next 2 years after school, I loved college.  But at the end of my second year, I was rushed to hospital. I was out of it all of that night, had 3 fits and spent a 2 weeks in hospital, that was defiantly a step back for me. I was doing well with the beauty I had luckily finished the course though. Had some scans and was diagnosed with epilepsy.  But I believe that it was triggered by several things that have happened. Like the bullying at school, so they are both linked. Its 3 years since that horrible night, the last fit I had was last October but I don't know when I will get another one, could even be tonight who knows.  I am on medication, epilim which I do not like because it does give me spots and sometimes I get quite tired but it does help keep the fits away. I am still very shy, but the journey I have been on since 5 years ago, I would hardly expect myself to be where I am today.